


“The Gang Gets Featured in a Drabble Collection”

by Monsieur_Grenouille



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Drabble Collection, I hate tagging, I made my own list of prompts, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:41:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 1,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28466244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Monsieur_Grenouille/pseuds/Monsieur_Grenouille
Summary: 100 drabbles. Mostly It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia because I have no life. I wrote all the prompts myself and I’m really proud.
Relationships: Charlie Kelly/Dennis Reynolds
Kudos: 8





	1. New Years Kiss

**Author's Note:**

> Happy New Years and I hope you don’t kiss anybody without a mask this year

Charlie leaned on Dennis. “I’m like... sooo drunk right now,” he slurred. 

Dennis chuckled, “Well, I got cut off at my own bar. What’s new?” 

“The year ends in two minutes.” 

“Shiiiit, man...” Dennis palmed his face. “I gotta kiss someone! New Years kiss!” 

Charlie took a swig of his drink. “You can kiss me.” He threw a drunken smile at Dennis. 

“Ha. Gay.” Dennis turned his head to lock eyes with Charlie. “But we could.” 

“It’d be funny!” 

“Hell yeah.” Dennis put his arms around the janitor, waiting until the countdown ended to lock lips with his best friend.


	2. Prom Date

Charlie sat alone on the bleachers, watching everyone dance in front of him. Couples wearing fancy clothes swayed back in forth together. A song came to mind. A song from Over the Garden Wall. He hummed it to himself. “Can’t you see I’m lonely? Lonely as can be...” 

Dennis Reynolds, a known f-boy at the school, approached him. “Alone, Charlie? Again? Why do you even come?” 

Charlie sighed. “I like the music.” 

“Then dance with the music! Don’t just sit here!” 

Charlie shook his head. “Got no one.” 

Dennis extended his hand. “Then I assume I can have this dance?”


	3. Rainstorm

“Sure is wet outside,” Dennis chuckled. “I sound like Wally.” 

Charlie entered the room. “Who’s Wally?” 

“A dumbass I used to be neighbors with. He’d always comment on the weather.” 

“Sounds annoying.” Charlie kissed his husband. “So glad we got the day off.”

Dennis hummed softly. “Long as the house doesn’t flood. Bad storm.”

Charlie slid his hands into Dennis’s jean pockets. “I duct-taped the pipes. They won’t leak.” 

Dennis took a sip of wine. “Such a gentleman. Is the garage door closed?” 

“We live in an apartment.” 

“So I guess we just... wait this out?” 

“Sounds good to me.”


	4. Testosterone Shots

“My name is Charlie Kelly, and this is my voice one day on testosterone.” 

“My name is Charlie Kelly, and this is my voice two months on testosterone.” 

“My name is Charlie Kelly, and this is my voice four months on testosterone.” 

“My name is Charlie Kelly, and this is my voice six months on testosterone.” 

“My name is Charlie Kelly, and this is my voice eight months on testosterone.” 

“My name is Charlie Kelly, and this is my voice ten months on testosterone.” 

“My name is Charles Kelly, and after one year on testosterone, I’ve officially become a man.”


	5. Coming Out

Charlie scratched his neck, sweating profusely. “Hey, uh, Dennis? You know how Mac is gay and shit?” 

Dennis nodded. “Ever since I met him.” 

“Well, uh, some... some other people are gay, too. Not me, of course, but uh... some people are also trans. Like, they were born a girl but then became a dude...” 

“I know how being trans works, Charlie.” 

“Great. So, like, I’m trans. I was born a girl. I’m also bicycle.” 

“Bicycle?” 

“I’m attracted to both. I’m bicycle.”

Dennis whacked him with his newspaper. “Jesus Christ, Charlie. You’re bisexual. And it turns out, I’m bisexual too.”


	6. Picnic

“The ants!” Charlie jumped onto the picnic table, grasping a stick. He waved it around wildly. “Oh my God, ants!” 

Dee stomped the grass. “Goddamnit, Mac! This is all your fault.” 

“Me?! How’s it my fault?!” 

Frank replied, “Your homosexual pheromones attracted bugs.” 

“Shut up, Frank.” Dennis sprayed bug spray everywhere. “The bug spray should help.” 

“That won’t work. We need to destroy the hill.” Charlie pointed to the hill. “Stomp it! Spray it! Kill it!” 

The gang followed all three instructions. After ten seconds, the picnic was saved, but not the sandwiches. The bug spray had gotten to them.


	7. IKEA Cabinet

“Pop open the instructions, Charlie.” Dennis sat on the floor, surrounded by wood and tools. 

“I can’t. It’s in a magical language.” Charlie squinted at the paper and turned it around. Lines and diagrams written in a foreign language covered the whole pamphlet. Why wouldn’t they be? This was an Ikea cabinet called, “stort dumpt skåp.” Stort dumpt skåp was Swedish for “big dumb cabinet,” which made sense.

Dennis snatched it. “That’s Swedish, you asshole. Open google translate. Let’s crack this code.” 

**Four hours later**

They did not, in fact, crack the code. Google Translate is unreliable and often incorrect.


	8. Midnight Snacc

“Shredded cheese, shredded cheese.” Charlie scampered down the hall of his apartment, seeking to eat shredded cheese straight from the bag. He dared not make a sound; Dennis hated when Charlie ate at night. The janitor dodged every squeaky floorboard and snuck past every room, just in case Dennis was working at his computer or using the bathroom. Quietly, Charlie whispered the Mission Impossible theme song to himself. “Dun dun dun dununu dun dun dun dununu dun dun dun dununu dununuuuuu!” He stared ahead, locking eyes with Dennis, who had shredded cheese clutched in his hand. 

Simultaneously, they whispered, “Shit.” 


	9. Wedding Day

“You may be a small, dirty, illiterate janitor who wanders around the sewers naked and then drags the sewage smell into the apartment, but you’re so much more than that.” Dennis has tears in his eyes. He held Charlie's hands in front of their families and the priest. “You’re kind, energetic, and creative. You’re the perfect man, Charlie. More 5-star than me. I never thought I’d get together with someone like you (which is a compliment, by the way), but you’ve shown me otherwise. As a result, I ask you to be mine. Forever. With no escape.”

Charlie sniffled. “Y-Yeah.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Charlie can't say no (because of the implication)


	10. Getting Drunk Together

“Hope you’re into clearance beer,” Charlie placed a tattered 24 pack of beers on the counter. “It was for sale.” 

Dennis finished off his canned wine. “Sale? Where’d you get it?” 

“There was this old man I saw, and he said he’d give it to me for five dollars. It’s usually ten, but—“ 

Dennis scoffed, “You mean I've been getting drunk on old-man beer for five years?” 

“No, I started buying from him three months ago.” Charlie scratched his neck. “It’s good beer, though.”

Dennis sighed. “This’ll have to do. Thank the old man and clear the schedule for tomorrow.”


	11. Getting High Together

“This is dexmethylphenidate,” said Dennis, holding up a bag, “It’s an amphétamine, so we should feel scattered as fuck when we take it. Lock the doors, because it’s going to get weird in here. When you’re ready, swallow your pill with any drink you can find.” He waited for everyone to take theirs first. Charlie swallowed his, and waited for it to kick in. 

It did, but differently. He felt calm and concentrated, and less confused. He did feel less hungry, though. He went to talk to Dennis. “What’s this medicine for?” 

Dennis replied, “ADHD people.”

Charlie sighed, “Well shit.”


	12. Allergies

“Hey man, wanna get pizza?” Charlie rubbed his hands together. “I’ll pay!”

His husband sighed, “We’re gonna have to wait, Charlie. I’m still reading my test results for food allergies.” 

Charlie frowned. “Anything major? Do I have to get rid of anything?” He picked up the cactus. “What about this?” 

“Nobody’s allergic to cacti, Charlie. I’m just allergic to gluten.” 

“What’s gluten?” 

Dennis didn’t want to explain it to Charlie. It would take too long. “I can’t have most bread, or most bread-like things. I have to eat dry, crumbly, tasteless food.” 

Charlie frowned. “Shit. I’ll cancel the pizza, then.”


	13. Dog

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some of you will get the reference I make to Glenn Howerton’s twitter, so look for that.

“I know we haven’t been getting along the best, so...” Dennis sighed and plopped a teacup Australian Shepherd in Charlie’s lap. “Dog.” 

Charlie stroked the dog gently. “I can feel its skeleton. Thank you, Dennis. But what did you mean when you said we haven’t been getting along? I thought we were fine.” 

Dennis sat down next to him. “Sometimes _fine_ isn’t good enough. Hopefully this fuzzy shit will help us find each other again.” He kissed Charlie and let the dog gnaw on his thumb. “The dog will fix this marriage, right?” 

Charlie sighed, “No, but it can help.”


	14. The First Fight

“Why do you always want to change everything?!” 

“Charlie, calm down. All I said was that we could’ve done better with the furniture.” He hugged Charlie. Charlie wriggled free and stepped back.

“Don’t touch me.” 

“Okay, that’s fine. I get that.” Dennis put his hands on his hips. “What should we do?” 

“You hate the furniture, so we burn it. But I like the couch, so we’d keep it.” 

“No! We _move_ the furniture!”

“Where else would it go? This place is small.”

“Then I guess we’ll settle this like men. Nobody goes to bed angry. Let’s fight it out.”

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t take constructive criticism because my rejection sensitive dysphoria cannot handle it


End file.
